Johnny Spoiler: From Horror Movie Fan to Job Ruiner - Tales of the Devil's Butler and Airplane Woes
In this episode, Johnny Spoiler ventures into the world of real jobs, but his unique expertise as Johnny Spoiler proves more of a hindrance than a help. We delve into his recent chilling experience with the Devil's butler scene from 'Starry Eyes', and revisit his ongoing woes with London-bound airplanes.
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It’s been a strange summer so far. Real life crept in and took me off the show. I lost my big money players behind the curtains, so to speak, behind the scenes. I had to try to get a real job again, and boy, did I have some awful experiences with two jobs.
First up, I worked at a pizza place. The owners were hogging my tips, which was a strange experience. Usually, the tips go to the people making the pizza and the people serving the pizza with a smile. Not here. The owners were cashing checks instead.
The other job was a temp gig at a big agricultural technology construction firm. I was in the tech department doing some data work. It was interesting to rely on my off-the-mic skills. I thought, “Hey, I’m a cool guy. You want to put me on permanently?” They responded, “Actually, we're selling the company. Everyone’s getting laid off.” Talk about bad luck.
Then came the kicker. My scream queen, Jordan, left. Now I’m the one screaming. It felt like a major breakup. I mourned her for weeks, feeling like I was in total disarray.
I’ll take a sip of this cute red drink and get back with some home video headlines.
Since leaving the mic, too many celebrities have died, so I’m not going to dwell on them. But I did watch the Alec Baldwin bullet rust movie trial. Was it an accident? Wasn’t it? Is he responsible? The prosecutors sure mishandled everything. There was even a Twilight Zone moment when the prosecutor took the stand to explain her egregious error. And the defense kept asking why critical evidence wasn’t turned over.
This show isn’t about politics, religion, or even science. It’s about movies, pop culture, and current events. So, grab some popcorn and enjoy wasting about 45 minutes with me.
Speaking of celebrity deaths, let’s talk about the Alf kid, Benji Gregory. Found in his car in Arizona, apparently from heatstroke. It’s pretty odd. He was a major child actor in the show Alf. Where did he go? It’s all pretty wild.
Now, let’s dive into tonight’s movie, Starry Eyes. It’s about a starlet who enters a deadly agreement for fame and fortune. Basically, she sucked the devil’s butler’s dick to be in a movie. The movie is loosely based on the urban legend that an actress was asked to strip during an audition for David Lynch. True or not, it’s intriguing.
Some savage stats from Starry Eyes: The actress was actually spitting real bugs in the bathroom scene. Commitment, right? Pat Healy shows up as the boss at a Hooters-type restaurant where the starlet works. He plays the slightly horned-up middle-aged boss.
Earlier, I mentioned getting kicked in the nuts. Well, now my cat’s kicking me in the nuts, too. Speaking of cats, Pretty Litter is sponsoring this segment. Pretty Litter’s ultra-absorbent crystals trap odor instantly, keep my place smelling fresh, and even monitor my cat Felix’s health by changing colors.
Back to Starry Eyes. My favorite bits: the cultist blowjob, the starlet killing her friends, and her transformation into a demon. Brutal scenes, but worth the watch.
Our rating system: Binge now, binge later, or binge never. Starry Eyes is a binge later. It's worth getting to eventually.
In other news, I recently watched Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire on a plane. It’s the latest in the franchise, initially titled Firehouse. The big bad ghost freezes everything, leading to a series of chilling events. I didn’t finish it due to turbulence, but I’ll get around to it.
Plans are in motion for more episodes, including some shows from Austin. I’m psyched about it, and I hope you are, too.
That’s it for now. Peace, chicken grease. Subscribe, visit the website, and let me know what movies you’re watching. Johnny Spoiler out.
