Ah, hotels. Those places we flock to for relaxation, overpriced minibar snacks, and the constant fear that the remote control has seen more action than an HBO free trial weekend. And yet, Hollywood has a long-standing obsession with hotels as the perfect backdrop for horror, hilarity, and hedonism. Here’s a sarcastic salute to some of the wildest throwback hotel movies that make staying at a roadside Motel 6 feel downright luxurious.

1. The Shining (1980)

Welcome to the Overlook Hotel, where the wallpaper is peeling, the hallways echo with ghostly kids, and the management is nonexistent—unless you count the creepy bartender serving existential dread with a splash of bourbon.

Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson) drags his family to this isolated deathtrap under the guise of “writing a novel.” Spoiler alert: he writes exactly zero pages of a book but manages to carve up a door like it’s a roast turkey. Fun fact: The Overlook has a 0% rating on Yelp due to "axe-related incidents and haunted hedge mazes."

2. Psycho (1960)

Oh, the Bates Motel. It’s like Airbnb for people who hate cleanliness, safety, and happy endings. You’ve got Norman Bates, the original mama’s boy with a thing for taxidermy, running the place. The shower is less of a relaxing spa experience and more of a murdery Slip ’N Slide.

Let’s face it: if your road trip includes a pit stop here, you might as well write your will in the complimentary Bible. But hey, at least Norman’s customer service is “killer.”

3. Dirty Dancing (1987)

Ah, Kellerman's Resort: the Catskills getaway where you learn to mambo, have awkward father-daughter confrontations, and realize that Patrick Swayze has better hair than anyone in the room.

The big scandal? Swayze’s Johnny Castle is hooking up with Baby, and they’re gasp dancing provocatively. The real scandal? They’re calling this joint a “hotel” when it’s clearly summer camp for rich people who can’t cut their own steak.

4. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)

If you think staying at the Plaza Hotel would be a dream, think again. This is the place that let an unattended 10-year-old book a room using a credit card. Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin) takes the term “room service” to the next level, ordering enough ice cream to drown a toddler.

Bonus cringe points for the cameo by—you guessed it—Donald Trump. Because nothing screams "family holiday classic" like a future president pointing a lost kid toward a hallway.

5. Four Rooms (1995)

Ever wanted to see Tim Roth lose his mind over a night of bellhopping at the world’s most chaotic hotel? You’re in luck. This Quentin Tarantino-produced fever dream is divided into four vignettes, each more absurd than the last.

There’s a coven of witches, an illicit hostage situation, and Antonio Banderas’s parenting skills, which can best be described as “nonexistent.” Watching this movie feels like booking a five-star suite and realizing too late it’s on fire—and you're paying for the matches.

6. Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

Finally, a hotel movie with some class—or at least a lot of pastels. Wes Anderson’s Grand Budapest Hotel follows the exploits of Monsieur Gustave (Ralph Fiennes), a concierge who somehow balances running a luxury establishment, wooing elderly patrons, and being framed for murder.

The hotel itself is like a cake: beautiful, layered, and completely unnecessary. It’s the kind of place where you’d pay $300 a night to sleep on lavender-scented disappointment. But hey, the lobby is Instagram-worthy.

Final Thoughts: Why Are Hotel Movies So Weird?

What is it about hotels that makes them such perfect fodder for cinematic chaos? Maybe it’s the idea of strangers sharing walls, the anonymity of a room key, or just the terrifying realization that no amount of bleach can clean that comforter.

So next time you check into a hotel, take a moment to appreciate the fact that your stay probably won’t involve ghosts, ax-wielding maniacs, or a homicidal motel owner. And if it does? Well, at least you’re living your own throwback movie moment.

You’re welcome.